You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
