and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
