If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
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