Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
You left your phone here
Wait...
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
