you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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