Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
