That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Randomize
