he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
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just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
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I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
So. Much. Porn.
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