that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
