I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
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