is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
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