I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"