don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
21 People Confess What It’s Really Like At An Orgy
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
These 15 Honest Illustrations Show What Women Do When No One Is Watching
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff