my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!