I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.