It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
19 Confessions From A Dude With A Micropenis
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
17 Exes Admit Why They Were Crazy In Their Past Relationship
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.