Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
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He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
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sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.