yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
