I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Watching her eat just hurts me
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
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