I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
try to milk me bitch
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