yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Randomize
