I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
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