Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Randomize
