I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
