I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
