we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
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