And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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