I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
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