There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Please don't give away my fajitas
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