If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
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