Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Randomize
