so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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