sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
I'm laying in your front yard are you home
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
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