I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
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