you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
I party with great urgency now.
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