Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
i believe in u and ur pee
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
