She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
If I die, sorry about rent.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Randomize
