But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
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