I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
