Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
