god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
