I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
