What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
My vagina just recognized that song.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
