In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
