I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
