So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
Randomize