She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
I know her cup size but not her name....
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
