So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize
