Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
So vagazzling was a success
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
