the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
and you said cock pushups were impossible
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
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