is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Randomize
