adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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