I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize
