you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
