Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
