i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Randomize
