I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Randomize
