dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
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