apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
