I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Randomize
