Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
