there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
I think I sprained my soul last night
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
Randomize
