Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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