hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
My brain says no but my pants say off.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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