His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
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