dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
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