oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
