I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
