discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
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