Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
