im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
