sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
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thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
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Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Randomize