Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Randomize
