sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
