Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
