Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Randomize
