New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Randomize
