I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
