Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Randomize
