I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
