I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
meet me or not, i'm out of control
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
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