why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
